Doing for Others What I’ve Asked of Them – Month 9

Where does all the time go? It seems that the month is barely started and yet, its May! The year is almost half over! Yikes!!

As I approached this month, and who I would donate to, the choice was a bit easier. In this case, the couple asking for help approached me. Not for help, but to just talk and share experiences, offer support, and to simply let us know that we’re not alone. We’ve only shared a couple emails, but they seem kind and I decided that this couple would be the next to get support from me. Perhaps some of you will choose to help them also. I know they’ll appreciate it. As for you, what can feel better then helping someone achieve their dream, aside from perhaps, achieving your own!

In the last nine months, I’ve had an increase in communication with others. Not much. Not drastic, but now two couples have reached out to me. One fertility clinic is following my twitter feed, and who knows who will come forward next! Maybe one day I’ll get a note from Jeff Probst! Hahaha … just kidding. I don’t need to hear from anyone to do what I’m doing but it sure is cool when people start talking back and sharing.

So sharing. Sharing is something we can all do. We don’t have to contribute financially to share. We can simply offer our thoughts, or prayers, our verbal support. I think sometimes we underestimate how much a simple “I hear you and you’re not alone” from a stranger can mean. I also think its easy to then say “That’s it?”. We’re human after all. We get caught in our own journeys and don’t always see beyond them to see that they overlap and interconnect with the journeys of others. We’re never really on our paths alone. We just choose sometimes to not see the person walking next to us who, at times, may need some help, a kind word, a bit of support.

It is also easy to say “that person just says they need help. Look at all the stuff they’re doing. If they’d just stop doing that, they wouldn’t need my help”. But really? Would we truly expect a person to give up all other aspects of their life for something else? Is that really appropriate? We have dreams and goals, but we have multiple dreams and goals. We have quality of life, and things that bring us comfort. I’m not talking about eating out every night, traveling every weekend to Paris, and then asking for someone to help them raise money for themselves (but hey, if they want to and someone wants to support that, more power to them). What I am suggesting is that its not our place to judge the worthiness of someone’s dream. I did once, looking at Indiegogo and seeing someone raising a lot of money to make a gun that shoots salt to kill flies, or the person who was raising some good money to make miniature zombie figures. I found myself thinking “Really”. fly guns and zombie figures? When there are people trying to have a family and need financial help. But in truth, that was judgement. Whose to say what those zombie figures will bring. Maybe that person will find themselves financially stable an thinking “I should give back”. Maybe they’ll need the money they get from making and selling their zombie figures for something like having a child, a medical procedure, or helping someone else in need. It shouldn’t be about not having, not giving, but rather giving and dreaming and living and pursuing and even more so, achieving!

So good luck to my new friends in their dreams. Good luck too to the zombie and fly gun campaigns. Though I’m not donating to you, I do truly wish you well. I may even buy a zombie figure when they’re produced! I’ve got a friend who’d love it!

 

 

 

Doing for Others What I’ve Asked of Them – Month 8

So, this month I’ve been running behind, but never far from my thoughts was that I wanted to make a contribution to someone’s dream of a child.

So this month, I’ve been really busy. The new term started and not only was I teaching my normal workload, but I was offered an opportunity to teach a course at our Community College as well. They’re such a great group of instructors, and wonderful students I decided to take it on. It doesn’t matter that many of them are approaching my age (something that seems more true at the Community College then at the University I work full time at), but it still fulfills my desire to “mentor” and help guide people in reaching their dreams.

Then I headed to Vegas for a conference on Emerging Technologies in Education. That was, to say the least, an interesting week. Vegas is something I’ve been to before, and like before, after the second day I was ready to leave. I enjoyed the presentations for the most part. I also got to go over to NAB (National Association of Broadcasters) for a bit. I even saw Penn and Teller one evening … which was an awesome show! If you ever have a chance, see Penn and Teller!

What was really unpleasant about Vegas was:

  1. The noise … you’re at an educational based conference all day, you want to go to bed so you can get up early the next day for the next session and you can’t! Why, because your floor is the ceiling of the casino where there’s a concert going until 12:00PM!
  2. People are oblivious! They wander aimlessly so dazed by what’s around them they fail to see the people around them. I can’t tell you how many times I had to move out of the way of people who were about to plow into me, not realizing I was there.
  3. Kids. Odd I should mention kids here, but I couldn’t believe the number of parents who brought their young kids to Vegas. Especially the one I saw on the last night who was huddled in a corner of a glass wall that enclosed an outdoor bar/restaurant while his “parents” sat and partied, ignoring him. There didn’t even seem to be a place for him to sit at the table.

So, over the last eight months, Lisa and I have been working with the reality that having a child is probably not going to happen. Our option that seems left, which we’re happy to do, is adoption. Though it still costs a lot. As much as if we were to try IVF now. But adoption would allow us to have a child. IVF “MAY” allow that.

Part of what we have been dealing with is letting go of the idea that we weren’t worthy of children for some reason. Sounds crazy to say it out loud, but this whole experience has been very hard and raised a lot of questions about why we don’t seem to be able to have kids. Late last year, I remember reading a post where someone said that people who can’t have kids, can’t have them because its “God’s Will”. He basically said we’re unworthy and that’s why we don’t have kids. But then, I see kids like the one I saw recently in Vegas and wonder why we’re unworthy. The point of this isn’t to vent or be angry, but to remind people, this is a painful experience. There’s a lot people who want kids, and can’t go through. Insensitivity and judgment doesn’t help. Empathy does. You don’t have to know someone to show compassion. Compassion doesn’t have to be large. There are a variety of reasons people don’t/can’t have kids but that doesn’t make them unworthy.

I guess part of the healing is helping others. Knowing there are others out there, feeling just as, or similar to how we felt and feel. Sometimes what helps you through it is knowing that someone does care. Whether it is someone you know or not, that they feel someone cares is what’s important.

So maybe this is the opportunity to have some compassion for someone. Maybe this is what it takes to let someone know they matter and are not “unworthy”.

Bike the US for MS! Another Worthy Cause!

The other day I was telling my co-worker about this great “thank you” card I got from someone I chose to give a donation to. How it felt really good to just donate, but there was something very touching in the recipient’s acknowledgement that they appreciated it. It wasn’t why I donated, and continue to donate, but it sure felt good to know it was appreciated.

That’s when Shannon told me of what she was going to engage in soon. She had done this once before (I believe only once before) in the past and was gearing up for it again. The Bike the US for MS. Crazy as it sounds, they’re going to bike across the US from one side to the other. Much like the Walk-A-Thons I did as a child, where you walked about 10 miles and got a pledge either in a lump sum, or on a per mile basis, they are doing the same thing … just not by walking, and a heck of a lot more the 10 miles.

This is an awesome cause, and frankly, I like that it promotes the use of bikes and getting in shape to help support others.

If you’re interested in donating, here’s the link to my friends page. http://biketheusforms.org/cyclists/detail.asp?cid=314

You can also go to their main page and donate in general.

Now, if only she’ll wear a “Team Microwave” t-shirt on the ride!

Doing for Others What I’ve Asked of Them – Month 7

What a crazy seven months its been. They tell you when you’re going into this carnival funhouse that it is stressful, and couples can suffer for it. But when you want kids, when you can’t escape the feeling of “Family” and the desire for one, its easy to buy ticket after ticket into the funhouse … never realizing, that as you continue to go in, without any brass ring to be had, it becomes more of a house of horrors. You find your day is filled with questions of “Why?” and “What did I do wrong?”. You may even feel like a failure or insufficient in some manner. But you’re not. There is no “Why?” to be found … it just “IS”.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to make this post into something negative, but rather to point out to people who haven’t experienced this, who were able to have kids and a family without much thought or effort, that when you can’t, you will do as much as possible to get there. At some point, it isn’t enough and you need the help and support of others to help you along the last part of the path.

Lisa and I have come to the decision that if we’re to have kids, it will be through adoption. So we’re saving up for that. We’re working towards that goal. But as this couple found out, after spending all your money on fertility treatments, adoption isn’t just your last option, it can be a bit out of reach. Your money is spent. Your emotions are frazzled and you’re at your wits end. The stress that Lisa and I have, and continue to go through, is absurdly overwhelming at times. But we do it. This couple is doing it. Parents who have kids in the more traditional way do it as well.

So here’s a couple. They’re adopting. From the sound of it, they’ve got the adoption process rolling. They’ve got the soon to be baby lined up awaiting to find his way to their loving arms, but they need help to ensure this happens smoothly.

It doesn’t take much. Imagine if everyone they knew gave them just $10.00. Then imagine if everyone their friends knew gave them $5.00. Unless their hermits, they’d likely have enough to complete the adoption process. That would be just a one time donation. One month. Of course, you could start doing what I’ve been doing and find that the next month rolls along and you want to donate another $5 or $10 to someone. Maybe you’ll find that in that simple act of kindness, you’ll have found your brass ring for the day.

Doing for Others What I’ve Asked of Them – Month 6

Its a new month, a new year, and I am so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful people. For all the things that I would like to change, the world is a truly magical place. We live in a universe that is filled with infinite possibility, and so many opportunities to help.

Lisa, my beautiful wife, has started to carry protein bars and dog food in her car. Why you might ask? Because of the people we see on the street corners asking for help. So many of them have dogs, and frankly, she wants to help. Instead of giving cash, which so many of us wonder what its being used for, she’s figured she would give something to eat to both the person and their dedicated, four legged friend.

For me, its finding couples (well, I haven’t limited myself to couples) but people (or a person) who is trying to have a family, and for some reason can not. Its amazing how many people have kids, and I don’t want to overgeneralize it, but take it for granted. When you’re in a situation where you are not able to have kids, and you see the media bombarding you with movies and shows, advertisements, music that basically say a family means you have kids. That to be successful, its not just the job, the house, the car, but kids … well, it gets hard. Especially around the holidays and all those Halmark shows! Show me one Halmark show where the characters are without kids, and go through life without ending up having kids, or impacting a child’s life!

That said, there are options. IVF and other fertility treatments can be done. Adoption is another. Lisa and I are basically at the point that this couple is at. IVF and Fertility treatments aren’t an option … well, for us they are, but for the cost of a “possibility” we can have a child through adoption. We can make a difference for a child who doesn’t have parents.

This couple is looking to adopt. I don’t know them, but one phrase stood out for me … “We’ve decided to put our infertility behind us”. They’re moving on, not giving up, and reaching out for help. They sound like they are loving and caring people who want to make a difference in a child’s life, and what to have the experience of children.

If you’re interested in a random act of kindness, maybe you’d like to help this couple!

thankyou_01An Update! This couple is very sweet. Within a week of my contribution I received an wonderful Thank You card. What touched me is their appreciation that someone they didn’t know was willing to help them. I think that’s something the world can just use more of! Helping people without worrying about whether we know them or not. It doesn’t take much and in this case, it touched them.

thankyou_02

A wonderful note of appreciation from this couple for our random act of kindness.

Doing for Others What I’ve Asked of Them – Month 5

Another month, a new year, and another donation to a couple trying to have a child who face the same issues, or similar issues to Lisa and I.

In December, our Indiegogo campaign ended. We received a lot of support, though we still fell short (quite a bit) monetarily of our goal. We did try a less expensive IVF treatment for which the funds we raised helped to cover, yet we were met with the sad news that the three fertilized eggs, that were dividing away, did not continue after being placed in my loving and beautiful wife. At this point, we decided that rather then trying to spend more money on a possibility, adoption would be the route we’d take. The fertility specialist wants us to try the more expensive route. Though we’d love for Lisa to have the experience of being pregnant and giving birth, the cost is the same as adoption. The difference, IVF isn’t a sure thing. Adoption, can be. So, we’re not giving up, we’re just regrouping. Maybe we’ll try indiegogo again.

So this month, I went to Indiegogo and found another couple who were still in the process of trying to use IVF. I don’t personally know this couple. I was simply touched by what they wrote and wanted to help them by making a contribution and mentioning their campaign.

So this month, I’ve decided to help Steve and Katie Silva. What they wrote spoke of hardships that have lead them to a point where they truly need help if they want to expand their family beyond the two of them. I have to admit, what I really liked about their write-up was when they said, they are;

“… already a family. We’re silly, we love to laugh, we’re happy doing little things together or going on adventures, and more than anything, we love each other. Adding children of our own to our small family would be the biggest blessing of our lives. I love my husband with all of my heart and have always wanted more than anything to be a mother.”

So, if you’d care to help, you can by contributing something to them at: http://www.indiegogo.com/BabyBee/x/859466

Even if you can’t offer a monetary contribution, offer them your hearts and well wishes. It may sound silly to some, but asking for help with such a personal matter, is incredibly hard. I felt like a failure for not being able to do this on my own (well, with Lisa of course!). I also felt like it was crazy to ask other to help me with something as simple as having a child. Its difficult for some people to understand what its like to try to have children and for whatever reason, not succeed. So many people are able to have children without much effort, but there are a large number of people who aren’t. Its amazed me at how difficult it can be for some people to understand the sense of loss and failure that can accompany this challenge.

As I debated about asking for help, Lisa pointed out we’re not asking for one or two people to fund IVF or adoption. Rather, if we had, through our network of friends and family, 10,000 people donate just a dollar, that would be $10,000. Sounds funny, but I’d wager we could reach that many people if friends shared with friends of friends of friends … I suspect most people could.

It doesn’t take much from one person to help another. But it also isn’t something one should do from guilt or feelings of sympathy. Help because you want to. Help because we are part of a community, whether we know each other directly or not. Help because it is, in our best moments, what makes humanity shine!

Doing for Others What I’ve Asked of Them – Month 4

Its time, for another monthly  random act of kindness! I actually am truly growing to look forward to these events!

I must first apologize that I’m behind in this posting. Its been a rather hectic month … I suppose that’s not a surprise being December, but it seems to have been a bit more so then normal. The term ended and grades were due, and I’m still prepping for a class that starts next term. Though I “finished” my Christmas shopping in November, I did get everything wrapped only to find I had a few stocking stuffers to get, and a few items I bought earlier in the year and had forgotten about needed to be wrapped! Then there were all the fun family get-togethers for Thanksgiving and two birthdays. So far it all sounds good, but then throw into the mix my father-in-laws accident, Lisa’s car dying (again!) and the surprise water bill that showed we had a massive leak (almost 21,000 gallons from a leak in a toilet!) and just trying to find a moment to breathe, well, I’ve fallen behind. Not in the act of my random act of kindness, but rather in the act of posting!

So where are my acts of kindness going? I’m still focusing on people on indiegogo.com with people who are in a similar situation to Lisa and I. They want to have a family and for whatever reason, are finding the obstacles to doing so require help from the community at large! This month I’ve chosen the Bakko adoption fund: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/260326/x/859466?contribution_success=true&pledge_id=1480001 There was no particular reason other then when I read there story, looked at their picture, I found myself drawn to their campaign.

I don’t know these people. I can not speak to anything about them other then they’ve asked for help with something I think everyone should have the opportunity to have … a family. So I contributed and offer them my best wishes.

Its odd, but in light of all this months events, and I’m still coping with them, I’m remembering that as bad as I have it … or seem to have it, others could have it worse. There’s the story of the person who has one thing after another happen to them and the people around him say “Oh that’s horrible” and he says “maybe yes, maybe no” … each “horrible” event leads to something good, but then allows something else that is “horrible” to occur … a perpetual cycle. But holding to that place that things happen and its how we choose to view them that matters. So, perhaps Lisa and I won’t have children through any fertility techniques or adoption. But perhaps we’ll help others to have them. Maybe we’ll have a larger family then we’d first think when we consider all those around us whose lives we’ve touched.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have kids, but I also love the ideas behind helping a child to grow. Helping a person to reach their potential and their goals, their dreams. Maybe all those feelings I attach to being a parent don’t require a child to be fulfilled, but rather the act of loving and supporting those I encounter?

So this will be a short post. If only because I do want to post this and I seem to have a lot going on. I wish you all a great holiday, whatever your faith or beliefs. Be kind to each other, ultimately we’re all we have … a global family and holidays aren’t much without our families!

Of course, Lisa and my campaign is nearing its end. You can still find it at: http://www.indiegogo.com/build-a-family/x/859466

A Question of Ownership When Living in the Cloud

Mine mine mine! Photo by Skipper McFarlane

Remember the days when you bought something, and you owned it? I don’t mean you had a piece of paper that said you bought it. You didn’t have an e-mail notice saying you paid some amount of money for something either. I mean you went into a store, paid money, and walked out with a physical item in your hand. Whether that was a book, a movie, a CD (or vinyl record for some of us) you owned it. It was physically yours. You could listen to it, lend it, copy it, give it away, bequeath it to someone if you passed, throw it away, drool on it, whatever! It was yours. It was physical and ownership was pretty straight forward.

Those days are gone. Perhaps, they were never truly here and our ideas of ownership were really more conceptual then real. Do you really own the land your house is on? I’ve been told we do, within limits. The city, the state, the Federal Government all have the ability to impact our ownership. We pay taxes on our property and if we fail to do so, we loose it … so that isn’t really ownership in the sense that its ours to do with as we like is it? But we can leave it to someone.

Lately I’ve been wondering a lot about what ownership means today. I’m not the only one wondering. I’m also not claiming to be an expert on this topic. But I’m learning not only what it means in the legal world, but also what it means philosophically to me, as a potential owner of something, what “ownership” really means in the world of the cloud.

Recently, I started evaluating all the DVDs that I own. I started thinking about how much space they take up, how frequently I watch any of them, and how nice it would be to not have my life, our house, cluttered with stuff. I guess I’m entering a minimalist phase of my life. I see these shows like “Hoarders” and think, “God, I hope I never put any of my kids, friends, family through anything like these hoarders are doing!” I live next to a hoarder who justifies turning his yard and likely his house into a dump as being more environmentally friendly. Why, because he’s not filling a landfill with his garbage. He’s just filling his yard and house. He justifies throwing rotting food into the street (sometimes on top of the catbox he’s just dumped in the gutter as well) by saying he’s feeding the animals. Of course, when the rotting food gets dumped in my yard by the increase in crows, and then our dogs eat them and get sick, he doesn’t see that he’s likely poisoning the animals around us, not feeding them.

So all this has led me to explore what it means to clean house. To minimize the amount of stuff in our house and our lives, and again, what do I own and what do I need to own. I thought the movies were an easy out. I’d simply sell them at a discount, use the proceeds to buy digital movies through iTunes as I wanted to watch them again and then have a virtual library of movies. I already own very few CDs as I’ve been buying more and more music over the years through iTunes. So this seemed a natural extension of that process.

But then the cloud came. Also the ability to rent for very low costs through locations like Amazon, iTunes, Netflix, Hulu, etc. As it became apparent that I could even watch for free, countless movies and TV shows I like I began to wonder, why do I need to own anything? It seems we’re moving in a direction where ownership isn’t the right word, but maybe an older idea of “Stewardship” is. Maybe its time to simply own access to content, but not worry about owning the actual content itself. In fact, being as our lives are so transitory, ownership becomes an odd way of thinking of things. Stewardship, looking after, taking care of, having access to, but only for a period of time, seems to make more sense. Even if that period of time is just my lifetime and I pass that stewardship on to someone else.

I’m not sure I’m quite ready to give up all my stuff. I’ve got a nice collection of Doctor Who figures that I like having to put on display. I have some original comic book art, not real valuable, but I do like being able to hang it on my wall and remember the experience of meeting and talking with the artist. At this point and time, I’m striking a balance. If there’s a movie I want to watch frequently, not worry about having an internet access to access it, and can’t find for free, I’ll likely buy the right to access it and download it to my computer. The others, I’ll hold off on and see how I feel in the future.

So ownership, or stewardship is something I’m interested in. But at some point, I think stewardship will become the true word I’ll use to talk about my stuff, my world. This is likely the first post related to this idea. I’m not sure how many more or when I’ll write another related to ownership and the Cloud, but its a beginning as I organize my thoughts.

Doing for Others What I’ve Asked of Them – Month 3

Skip and Lisa at a Skateworld Rollerskating Halloween Party, October 2012. Photo by Holly Decker with Skip's camera!

Skip and Lisa at a Skateworld Rollerskating Halloween Party, October 2012. Photo by Holly Decker with Skip’s camera!

Its time, for another monthly  random act of kindness. I suppose if I’m doing this monthly, its not entirely random. Also, if you’ve been following me since I first started doing this two months back, you’d realize that the acts are targeting people with a specific need. The desire to have a family.

Its only the third month that I’ve done this, and I’m finding that I actually look forward to this. Its much like when I was younger, and would save all my change until the Christmas season and then use it when I’d go shopping to load up the Salvation Army’s buckets. I’d usually end up with around $50.00+ yearly. Admittedly, it wasn’t much, but it was something and I new each time I put my change into the container I used to save it up in, I thought of Christmases past where the Salvation Army is what made it possible for my mom to give my sister and I presents at Christmas. Times are very different for my family, but there are many still in need. There are also many of us who can help, and shouldn’t feel that because we can only give a small amount, it goes unnoticed.

As I only get paid once a month, I tend to do this right at the beginning of the month, right as I’m paying my bills. It makes it exciting to know that in some small way I’m helping someone else. That aside from my cash donation, I’m offering them my prayers, and pointing others to their cause with the hope of getting them more assistance. If its like last month, within about two weeks I’ll be wanting to find another person/couple who are trying to have a family and need help.

For those of you new to my blog, and what I’m doing here, let me give a brief explanation. You can of course also read back in some of the older posts.

My wife, Lisa, and I want to have kids. We didn’t get married because we thought we needed to in order to have kids. We were both very clear that we got married because we loved each other and wanted to grow old, experience life, and spend our time encouraging and loving each other. We also knew that we’d love to have kids to share all of what life and our lives had to offer. So we’ve tried. Unfortunately, we’re both older then most parents starting out and have found age, time, has worked against us. Neither of us have kids, and life will still be a grand adventure without kids, but we’d sure love to have children in our lives.

Neither of us have family with kids that are close. My sister, for reasons of her own, years ago moved herself and her kids across the country to the point that though I love them dearly, I feel we don’t really know each other. Now those kids, my nieces and nephew, have beautiful new babies of their own, and I’ve yet to be able to visit. I’ve seen pictures, I’ve read posts, but alas, the journey out there is something that will likely be next year. Lisa has no siblings with children. So, while we enjoy our lives, we are trying to have a child (or more). Just look at us in our costumes from a Skateworld Rollerskating party! This wasn’t just about adults, there were several kids there too! It was about family and friends having a nice time together!

We’ve tried some of the basic fertility treatments without success. Our options now become either IVF using an egg donor, or adoption. We are of course still trying the “old fashioned way”, but we are looking at other options. Those options are unfortunately not inexpensive. Its become apparent to those in our situation (either due to age, or physical issues that prevent fertility) that this is not an uncommon issue, and its a largely unsupported medical issue. We will help to pay so that an older gentlemen can continue to have sex (yes, I know, its a medical issue regarding circulation as many older men state … yet you have to acknowledge too, that if they weren’t concerned about getting it up for sex, many of them wouldn’t be going to get their prescriptions of Viagra filled and covered at least in part by insurance). IVF and many fertility treatments are often not covered, or have very little coverage. So we’re looking at around $15-$20 thousand for either IVF or adoption.

So why did I choose to spend some money monthly on another person or couple in a similar situation? Because they’re in a similar situation! My small contribution on a monthly scale is minimal to what I put away every month towards our own fertility needs. But just think, if I and 50 other people gave them even $10.00, that’s $500 closer to their cause being achieved! Imagine if more people gave that $10.00, or even more then $10.00?

I’ve pursued some campaigns on Indiegogo.com and found someone this month, who, when reading their promotion page, just seemed to connect to me. If you’re interested in helping them, their campaign page is: http://www.indiegogo.com/babyjohnsonjourney?c=home&a=859466

Please keep in mind, I don’t know these people, I’m not endorsing them. I’m endorsing their proposal to fulfill a dream they’ve stated to have a child!

If you’d like to help us, please feel free to do so also at: http://www.indiegogo.com/build-a-family?a=859466

You can also offer your support on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/SkipLisaFamilyAdventure

 

Doing for Others What I’ve Asked of Them – Month 2

Skip and Lisa at Depoe Bay, Oregon

This is my second month of “Random Acts of Kindness”. My attempt to spend the next 12 months giving support to others whether I know them or not. As there are so many people who need support, I’ve focused on people who, like Lisa and I, have an issue with having children but yearn to have a family.

I’d suspect for most people its as easy to have children as simply saying “I want children”. There are even a lot of people (hard to believe I know) who have children without even trying! Imagine that? Its almost like they walk into a room not pregnant, and when they leave they’re pregnant!

Then there are the people who, for whatever reason, find it is not as simple as setting the lights down low, putting on some Barry White and making love. For whatever reason, there are many of us out there who just don’t seem to be going about this the easy way, and have chosen a more challenging path.

I read on a blog related to this subject a callous comment that it was God’s way of making sure people who shouldn’t have kids don’t. That they’d be bad parents. But then, if that’s true, how do those people who we read about in the news, or whose children populate DHS systems manage to have kids? I was blown away when he had suggested that it was a good thing people like us weren’t having kids.

But the reality, for Lisa and I, is we waited. More to the point, she waited. Waited until she thought she was ready to be a good parent. Waited until she found someone that she really wanted to raise a family with. In doing so, she also got older which has made it more difficult.

So now we find ourselves trying to have kids. Being surrounded by a mix of people who are supportive, and not. We’ve been told by some that perhaps we are just too old and would be better off not having kids … think of all the things you can do. They were being supportive, but it hurt. It hurt as much as the people who wave their hands over us with their eyes closed saying “I see two children” … when we just found out our last attempt didn’t work. I know too they want to be supportive, but they act like they are seeing our future and making it so for us.

What a lot of people don’t realize is that this can be a very painful process for those of us wanting to be parents and not being able to be. I say a lot of people because frankly, for those people who have never had an issue trying to have a child and being met with resistance really don’t know what this is like. I think a lot more people have kids relatively easily then don’t. When I talk of trying, I don’t mean they tried for three years. I mean they tried only to find out that they likely can’t when they visit a doctor and have tests done. Those people are frustrated, but they haven’t had their dreams ripped away from them.

We can go through a variety of emotions over the process. Speaking for myself, I went through feelings of inadequacy, frustration, anger and even resentment. There’s nothing like finding out that your last attempt failed, and then learning within a day or two of that that your two nieces are suddenly pregnant, your nephew’s girlfriend is, and one or two co-workers are as well. At that point I just wanted to yell at the universe  “Did I not paint a big enough target on us? How can your aim be so far off, you keep hitting everyone around us!”.

In the end, I was and am thrilled for those around us having children because you know that like you, this is what they’ve wanted to. But its hard on you to know that you may miss the opportunity to experience such a wonderful gift.

So, we’ve asked for help. As have others through sites like indiegogo.com. But in doing so, and seeing others in our situation, I felt that I was part of their community as much as they were of mine and that in turn, I could help them. Everything helps, there are no empty gestures. Part of my helping is to give a donation. Part of it is to include them in a blog posting, tweet about them, post their link on Facebook and do what I can to make my community aware of their need. Admittedly, I mention my and Lisa’s site as well and hopefully will find help for both of us.

So, if you want to help Lisa and I, you can go to our indiegogo.com site at:  http://www.indiegogo.com/build-a-family?a=859466. It is appreciated too if you share this link with others! Our Facebook page is at: https://www.facebook.com/SkipLisaFamilyAdventure

Now if you want to help another person similar to us, here’s the couple I’m trying to help this month. The indiegogo page was created by Sarah Flores-Sievers and I wish them the best of luck in their pursuit of children and a family! They seem nice enough and have a great sense of humor! Just look at their cute pups in the picture on their site! http://www.indiegogo.com/Help-our-Parents-Create-their-First-Miracle-so-they-will-stop-dressing-us-up?a=859466

For those of you out there in our situation (or similar) my heart goes out to you. For those of you who wish to help and do, my heart felt thanks!